Hard Time Hovering

I just read a really interesting article in the Boston Globe on “helicopter parents”. It caught my eye only because I just heard that term for the first time while chatting with a friend a few weeks ago. It seems there’s a helicopter movement out there that I was completely unaware of. And, after reading the article, I understand why.

I am NOT a helicopter parent. I don’t ‘hover’, and I definitely don’t over-parent. As a single mother, with a full-time career, a budding business, and a small side job, I depend upon my 13 year old daughter and my 15 year old son to be responsible and make the right decisions. To be clear, they don’t always make the right decision. As teens, 8 out of 10 times they make the wrong decision. And I will be there to guide them, to show them the way, to allow them to learn from their experiences—and mistakes-- and grow into a competent young adult. But, I won’t hold their hands the entire time.

I’m more like an F-35 Joint Strike Fighter kind of parent.

The F-35 JSF is an affordable, supportable, and survivable craft designed for the battlespace of the future. A product of the Department of Defense, there are nine nations collaborating on the multi-year development and demonstration of this product.

If you don’t get the analogy, let me explain:

First, while I so loved to coddle my kids when they were young, now it’s my job to prepare them for the future. It’s a tough world out there and they better be ready to fight for themselves, because I can’t do it for them. I’ve got my own battle. I’m moving at warp speed every day to keep this family going.

Second, I know I can’t do this alone, so I enlist my family and friends to help me raise these little freedom fighters-- much like the DoD has done by inviting nine nations to help with 'development'.

Don’t get too caught up in the military lingo, here, as I’m definitely not looking for my kids to ship off overseas into another—more literal—battleground. I’m just raising them to be independent, strong-willed, likeable, empathetic human beings, whom, I hope, are directed by an ethical moral compass. And, eventually will learn how to support themselves, and not live off of Mommy until they are 30 years old. This family is affordable, supportable, and survivable and ready for the future.

I hope that doesn’t sound like tough love. It’s not. I love my kids with all my heart. I give them everything they need and want. I don’t want to see them hurt or in pain or struggling. But I challenge them to challenge themselves.

No more handholding. It’s time to take to the sky and learn how to fly!

-Steph