A Holiday Hater’s 12-Step Program

For many years now, the holiday season has felt like a hassle to me. I do have faint childhood memories of being super-excited to jump out of bed at 5:00 a.m. to see what jolly old St. Nick had left for me under the tree. And, when my kids were small, I did have fun staying up until the wee hours of the morning to make sure Santa wrapped everything just right, and each kid got equal amounts of goodies under the tree and in their stocking. I’d make sure Santa had a bite of his peanut butter kiss cookie, and a sip of milk. I admit, I used to find Christmas Eve enchanting.

Now, the grumpy old scrooge that I have become loathes the season, seeing it purely as an expensive party that I have neither the time nor money for. Horrible, I know.

I think the problem is that I’m a procrastinator. (That’s a huge thing to own up to, so I expect someone to give me an ‘at a girl’ pat on the back!). And, as a result, I’m often late. Late for meetings, late for deadlines, late to pick up the kids from practice, late to arrive for a dinner party, and, oh, I’m always running against the clock to catch a plane. It’s stressful. Why do I do that to myself? Do I have too much to do? Have I not figured out the concept of time? Am I scatter-brained? Irresponsible? I hope not. I don’t think I am. I guess it’s my own little character flaw that I now must deal with. And, I’m going to start dealing with it by dealing with Christmas.

Every year I’m the lady who is rolling up to the tree farm a week before Christmas to find the best leftover evergreen available. I’m also the woman who is barreling through the mall two days before the big day with three shopping bags in each hand, sweating and swearing as I push my way through the crowd. One year, while waiting for a car to pull out of a parking spot so that I could pull in (blinker on and all), this nasty little elf of a woman scooted in to the spot before me. I patiently waited for her to get out of the car and extended my warm wishes for the holiday season by shouting, “Merry Christmas, you bitch!”.

Oh no, what have I become?! I’m like the nightmare before Christmas.

I just realized how pathetic I am. Last year, I don’t think I even put any decorations up other than a wreath and some candles in the window. And it’s been years since I sent out Christmas cards.

I want to be like my friend who called the other day to let me know she finished all of her Christmas shopping. She’s had her decorations out since a week before Thanksgiving, and she seems peaceful and happy as the holidays approach.

You know what they say, before you can fix a problem, you have to acknowledge that you have one. I’m a holiday-hater. There, I said it. I’ve hit my rock bottom, and, I want to change. Not for anyone else, but for me.

I’m finally ready to start my 12-step program for the 12 days of Christmas.

I’m going to:
1.) Set up decorations.
2.) Start my shopping.
3.) Get the tree this weekend (or maybe next weekend).
4.) Send out Christmas cards (with a photo of the kids).
5.) Play Christmas music.
6.) Host a holiday party.
7.) Give gifts from the heart.
8.) Watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
9.) Pray for peace on earth.
10.) Bake cookies for Santa.
11.) Hug my kids.
12.) Go to church and remember the real meaning of the season.

I’m tired of allowing Christmas to stress me out. This year, it’s going to be merry!

Ho ho ho.

-Steph

Dating Disasters

I’ve been single for a few years now, and dating, which used to be an exciting prospect, is now dreaded and disturbing to me. Take the last four guys I had dates with (two of which were first and last dates). They all had very different personalities, yet they all were very much alike. Before I get into that, here’s a brief summary of the initial interaction:

We meet in a bar for a drink. The conversation starts out nice enough with the expected typical topics: Where do you live? What do you do for work? Favorite pastime? Any kids? And then the obvious follow-up, “So, have you been married? Tell me about your relationship.” I like to skim right over that one. No need to disclose too much on the first date (or in my case, no need to send the poor guy running for the door).

So I say, “Oh, you know. Great guy…just didn’t work out.” But when the tables are turned and I’m asking him the relationship question I get all the gory details about what an awful, terrible person she was. I hear how she drank too much, had anger management issues, or she cheated on the poor poor guy…(who never ever did anything wrong, and was always 100% dedicated to his girl…uh huh). This can go on for a full hour to the point where I’ll be on my sixth glass of wine, steam piping out of my ears, and I’m eyeballing the cute guy at the end of the bar.

No wonder she left him, this guy’s an egotistical jerk! And what is this, a therapy session? I’m not ready to start analyzing you until the third date, so if you need a therapist, I know a great one in Plymouth I can refer you to. In the meantime, how about another drink??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, then of course, it crosses my mind, if all of these guys are bashing their exes, what is mine saying to his new girlfriend about me?????? I can just hear now, “she seemed like such a nice woman, but I think she’s an undiagnosed schizophrenic, a real screwball…” Oh, Great!!!

When it comes to bad dates, it turns out I haven’t had the worst of them. My friend, who shall remain anonymous for the time being, gets the gold in the dating disaster category. She’s met most of them on Match.com, the virtual meat market where guys troll for lonely women (not a big fan of Match)….But, my friend hangs in there, perhaps for entertainment purposes alone. And soon, she’ll be sharing her stories with our WinkSOUTH readers!

Watch for our new series, Miss-Match, coming soon!

And if you have some horror stories of your own, post a snippet of them here on the blog to get the discussion rolling! Is it really that bad out there?

Or, write your own article to be shared with everyone on Miss-Match! (Names will be changed to protect the innocent)!

-Steph

What's Your Story?

Everybody has a story. Doesn’t matter if you followed the standard rules of society: graduated from high school and college, got a job, got married, had 2.5 kids (and half of you reading this proceeded to get divorced), and feel that what you’ve accomplished is rather lackluster. It’s not.

Okay, let’s face it, if you climbed Mt. Everest, received a Pulitzer Prize, or competed in the Olympics, your life has that extra air of excitement. But even everyday events that include hopping the commuter rail to South Station, putting in a full eight hour day, rushing home to get dinner for the kids, paying the bills, watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition, and then collapsing into bed at 9:00 p.m. due to sheer exhaustion, can be a fascinating tale—if told the right way.

If you’ve read WinkSOUTH, you’ve noticed we focus on those elementary aspects of living. Each life vignette depicted on our web pages strips an experience down to the basics. Yet, we are intrigued because we not only relate, but we have a light bulb moment ourselves. How many times have you turned on T.V., hoping to zone out in mindless entertainment, only to laugh out loud, shed a tear, or think about something that never would have crossed your mind. For example, I rarely watch T.V., but I’m sitting here watching ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin’ as I write this blog, and I can totally relate. Not the virgin part (after all, I have two kids), but the little stupid idiosyncrasies of relationships, the humor in friendship, the madness of parenting a teen, and, of course, the happily ever after of the romantic comedy, that we all secretly seek.

So, why do we always turn to T.V. for our dose of reality when it’s right here in front of us as we talk with our friends, family, neighbors, or even the store clerk.

Tune in to WinkSOUTH, and then tell us what your story is….we’d all love to hear it!

Hey, tell me first!

Stephanie@southshorewoman.com

-Steph